How do schools make themselves attractive to prospective students on the school market? Through meso-discourse analysis we have analysed the descriptions of 147 schools offering university preparatory programs in Stockholm County, at one of the larger online information portals for upper secondary education (gymnasium.se). By applying a consumption lens, we seek to understand what discourses schools draw from to present themselves as viable choices to students. In our findings, we construct four ideal types of ‘offers’, which we metaphorize as The Springboard, The Cosmopolitan, The Nanny, and The Shepherd. The former two constitute an offer guaranteeing the student’s future, while the latter two constitute an offer guaranteeing the student’s well-being. Further implications, such as the performative aspect of choosing an offer from the school menu is discussed – both in terms of the potential creation of a particular student, but also in terms of setting a template for upper secondary schools.